President Throws Down “Last-Ditch” Gauntlet

June 19, 2010

Okay . . . most of us are in our 50’s.  I know that in the last 3 years I have actually felt my age and perhaps a couple more.  Tigger remains timeless, showing virtually no sign of accumulating birthdays.  Skipper doesn’t have a joint on his body that is pain free.  Gimli . . . well he has a Harley and a goatee to match . . . looks pretty good too.  Does anyone know if Gringo has entered his fifth decade?  I do know that the Argentinian training program is terminal for most of us especially seeing its effect on the one who developed it.

There are some younger ones . . . yes.  The kids and the kids, aside from Ruperts commitment aversion, seem fairly good with the last reduction in the President’s Challenge.  And maybe in reality, this is simply a dose of 50 + years of reality hitting hard.  I don’t know.


I am prepared to throw down one last effort at making the PC palatable to all of you old farts.  The young bucks can do this with ease and perhaps inspire the rest of us to reach a bit farther as well.

  • Whereas these and other circumstances constitute the current reality of an aging runner’s club;
  • Whereas there seems to be a general lack of grass roots response to the 1st and 2nd readings of the President’s Challenge;
  • Whereas the cost of the Gulf Coast clean up will likely impact our gas prices adversely . . . at some point;
  • Whereas the early morning noise of socks being pulled up over hairy legs, is a sleep deterrent to at least one of the wives of the 6AM’ers;
  • Whereas, coming to coffee dressed up like you ran, actually constitutes a run equal to half of what you would have run . . . if you had actually run;
  • Whereas coming late and leaving early, although unverifiable, also constitutes a 1 count in the monthly totals;
  • Whereas coming to St. Timothy’s, in and around the time that runners would converge on our early morning edifice, is important for the health and longevity of the group;
  • Whereas the motto of the group has recently changed from, “6AM Runners . . . not to fast . . . not to slow . . . half fast.” . . . to . . . “6AM Runners . . . running is optional and coffee is mandatory.”;
  • Whereas, the President, in life transition and exodus from pastoral ministry, has a little more time to waste on this kind of stupid stuff;

Be it therefore resolved once more that the President’s Challenge be further reduced to 12 times* a month.

Now if any of you continue to struggle with this, let’s just pretend that it is going to work for  you.  Pick up the oven mitt that I have thrown down and in the spirit of all that is feminine, rise to this “not-real-challenging” challenge.

I love you . . .

May God bless us every one . . .

President Warthog

*12 times a month is the reasonable suggestion of Johnnie O


President Throws Down Smaller Gauntlet

June 17, 2010

Okay . . . so Johnnie O., Tigger and Dexter were out today.  Dexter chased a terrified squirrel up the backstop in the ballpark . . . this squirrel narrowly escaped with his life.

When Dexter is not out in the morning, this is Tigger’s job.  He didn’t get the squirrel today but he got a raven yesterday . . . nailed him.  On the way to Woodstock I think . . . the raven was either sick, stupid or arrogant, all potentially fatal.  There is a dent in the grill of Tigger’s new car, to commemorate this rare occurrence.

Oh yes . . . Skipper showed for coffee around 7:00a when we were all leaving. Sorry Steve.

So . . . on my run today, I was doing math in my head and talking to God.  Perhaps I was a bit over zealous when I put yesterday’s challenge at 20 times a month.  Today, . . . out of pure concern for the rest of you, I have decided to reduce the size of the gauntlet and suggest that our target should be . . . ummm . . . let me see . . . let’s say 16 times a month without prejudice to distance covered.

So that’s my final offer . . . unless my run/prayer time produces something additional tomorrow.

Best Excuse Yet

August 16, 2008

Sleepy season was a good one.  You get over tired . . . don’t hear the alarm . . . early morning appointment.  It’s a bio-rhtyhmic thing.  As most of you know, I even tried sleeping with an Iron Man watch hanging out of my mouth so that I wouldn’t miss the alarm.  (Absolutely true!  Ask the Tin Man or Tigger)  They questioned me on it, over coffee, one morning.  My response was stupid by any standard.  “Oh, don’t try to tell me that you guys have never done that!”  Needless to say, this was a mistake and I have never heard the end of it.  But that’s the nature of the group.  So now I have the best excuse yet.  I had laser surgery and a “cryo” procedure on two retinal tears in my right eye.  The doctor tells me that I can’t run for at least a month.  So I have been sleeping in . . . coffee only twice  this past week.  Now I know that my friends are incredibly concerned for my well-being but I also know that sooner or later a runner has to face the music and I have to confess that I am not all that excited about the possibility.  I did compile a list . . . top ten good things about not being able to see that well.  Let me share it with you:


  1. No more bad-hair days.
  2. Justification for a bigger, big-screen TV.
  3. You get to ignore people that you don’t like.  You can walk right past them and never speak.
  4. You get to ignore the offering plate in church.
  5. No more ugly people.
  6. No more beautiful people.
  7. You get to see things that other people can’t see.
  8. You get to “not see” things that other people see.
  9. Easier to resist sexual temptation.
  10. The Word is a “light” unto my path and a “lamp” unto my feet.

Now I want you to know that I will be back, slower than ever, sometime in September if the good Lord is willing.  I miss you guys like crazy.