Utopia A Runners Dream

by S. Wight

Well I have read it all. Imagine finally experiencing “Runner’s Euphoria”. Let’s see “ I almost felt Like I was floating”. What are we in a Philadelphia Cream Cheese commercial? Have you designated yourself as the winged Fairy with running shoes (note to all nothing wrong with that, being A political and all). Euphoria and that lighted feeling generally comes after a brief stop along the trail behind a tree or shrub. Most runners would admit that we all feel a little lighter after that. As for feeling like Luke Skywalker well not really, most would admit to being like well myself but better, because we can concentrate on the run not on what could drop if we exerted ourselves on the run.

Now knee pain, your right there re many causes mainly two joints rubbing against each other in the knee. It can be caused by most anything, but I figure it has to do with moving one leg in front of the other. It does not help that most of us do this nearly every morning without any warm up exercises.

Now for the real article

The Do’s and Don’t of Waking Up at 5 AM to Run… a Spouses Prospective View

Well every morning runner faces this problem so based on a few comments and remarks from my fellow runners about comments from their lovely spouses (really at 5 am in the morning) I have decided to attacked this problem face on. Keeping specifics out so no one will know who the comments are from, I will attempt to solve the problem of Spousal Runner’s Envy

1. Waking up at 5 While sleeping in the same Bed.

This problem has many sub problems associated with it and I will try and resolve them

Many a runner in the group has encountered this problem. Some (not naming anyone, ah Filliter Queen) have even given in to Spousal Pressure (some would say to a Higher Court) and stopped running with the boys. Now others have asserted their manly rights and still run with the group, solving this problem other ways. Poor Fillieter Queen now silently wakes up at 5 and watches he clock while his spouse sleeps quietly beside him.

We have all been there, watching the clock because we chose not to run that morning, but that was our choice, right guys. Typically that alarm goes off, we reach over for the snooze button, waiting that extra five minutes to wake up. Generally two things happen at that point. One we get up or two we get the elbow in the back indicating that if we do not go run, the room while suddenly be coated with a thin layer of frost, soon melted by a real blast of heat. At this point I generally get up. Sometimes though we get those kind words of encouragement, spoken with the soft tone, Oh are you not running this morning. Gimili has stated that a quick exit after those words is highly recommended. Not only do you feel guilty for not running, but remaining in the bed at this point in that uncomfortable silence before the storm is rather unnerving. As Gimili has put it “sometimes the cold morning air is better that the deep freeze one experiences in a warm bed”.

Now all the runners admit there is a easy solution to the 5 am alarm problem. Sleeping in the other bedroom, but then that would indicate where the real power lies in the household.

Problem 2

The grating noise of generated by putting one ones socks

This one puzzles me. The spouse of one of our runners has stated that this is a real issue. It sounds like finger nails being dragged along a blackboard. My question is what socks is he (Tigger) trying to put on. Most my socks only go up to my angles. Putting pantyhose on that early in that day is highly not recommended. Giving Tigger the benefit of the doubt, maybe turning the light on before reaching into a dresser drawer would help. The other suggestion, would be try knee-highs, experience has shown they make less noise. As well shave the legs.

The other solution is to dress in another room. Here you can turn on the light and if required put on that shade of lipstick that will enhance the overall look. Though it is highly recommended not to run with the group on those days. An early morning start is much preferred.

Problem 3

Gurgling Sounds Emanating from Ones Stomach

This is generally followed by the question, “Do I leave now or wait”. If possible go before you leave, it ensures a Lighten run, you get the Luke Skywalker effect. If not now that winter is approaching there is always a tree or bush on the trail. Either way you get that Runner’s Euphoria feeling, right Size 14(PD).

Now That I have covered the first important step in running at 5 AM, hopefully others will join us. So here are the rules just to make sure you know them

1. Assert your manly rights, and get up when the alarm goes off. The snooze button works well, but like delaying getting up, it delays the wrath of the “Sleeping Tiger” beside you
2. Dress in another room.. Especially if you are trying to be fashionable that morning. Knee-highs are better they tend to ”run” (haha) less. Now I forgot to mention what to wear. Most Men wear the Under Armour running gear. One runner showed up with LuLu Lemon running shorts. The manliness of the group is now being questioned, first pantyhose now LuLu Lemon, common on guys.
3. Go to the bathroom before you run, or as it has been said ”Better two in the bush then one in the shorts”
4. have fun

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