The Application of the Unnamed Runner’s Rules

You know when most of us joined the 6 AM Runners club we knew that things would never be the same. The first indication was that the run starts any where from 5 am to 5:35 am not even close to a 6 o’clock start. If you do show up at 6 you might as well head to the coffee shop because the first group of (finishing first is not important people) will be rounding the bend in 5 or ten minutes.

I always thought that running consisted of putting one foot in front of the other a little quicker then when I walk. But in the last year one of our members has decided to ruin my early morning runs by telling me there is a science to it. He even questions our sanity ” many people will provide you many different answers, that are either LUCID or perhaps not so clear, but often leaving you to doubt their level of sanity.”

This gentleman (I beginning to doubt this quality, have you seen his manly pictures lately of the flowers, give me a break) states that “I want to tell you how well over 200 runners started with my encouragement, and in doing so, I want you to know that although I do not know the actual statistics, I believe that well over 160 of these are still doing some running”. Where did those Stats come from, I have stopped more then 160 runners in the morning and asked them have they ever heard of this unnamed runner. You would think at least one of them after 2 years of running in the morning would not have that look of bewilderment or ran away. I beginning to wonder where this unnamed runner gets his stats.

Maybe his 160 “friends” have adopted his philosophy “If you want to go fast, then you have to go slow – and – if you think you are going too slow, then SLOW DOWN.” and have simple slowed down to where they as Gomer puts it, “have stopped running”.

Our unnamed runner George says “If you want to get to it, you have to get at it.” I am still trying to figure that one out as I just don’t get it, do you?

George’s, I mean the unnamed runner other saying, that makes little sense is “time on your feet”. He makes it sound like that is a good thing. Go ask any retail clerk (oops Sales Associate) , Car Salesman (outside the Fredericton Area), what time on your feet really means and they’ll say, Bunions, blisters, varicose veins and well overall just generally pain. His PC statement (or as we say in the club call the JL philosophy “lets feel the love”comment) “ For older people, and those of you who did any type of training 20 to 30 years ago this may be foreign to your thought process.” Sends a clear message that older people can not be trained to do new things as he really was saying “ you can’t teach an old dog new trick”.

So after reading his last runner’s advice column and applying his rules you get this. Since older people can’t learn new things you’re going to end up with lots of pain and lower limb aliment as you get older because of the time on your feet rule. Please take note George the unnamed runner is older,( hence the first rule of learning new things applies to him).

Applying his rule of “it does not matter if you finish first, just finish”, is easily said when you look behind you and everyone seems to be chasing you.


3 Responses to The Application of the Unnamed Runner’s Rules

  1. Johnny O says:

    Should make for interesting discussion on the AM run…

  2. George says:

    So, do I respond with anger at this demeaning and often inaccurate dissertation, or turn the other cheek? Clearly, I will rise above the lowest common denominator and publish another article tomorrow, that obviously will be ignored by this unnamed “Skipper”. I only wish that the “doubting Thomas” aspect of this individual would be replaced by an open mind and a receiving heart, after all, it is clear that “The truth will set you free” and this person is not yet ready to receive the truth. Have faith man, for as was once said “Faith is believing that which you cannot see and the reward of faith is seeing what you believe.” (St. Augustine).

  3. 6amrunners says:

    Ding, Ding, Ding….. Round 3! Let’s get it on!

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